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Sappy Fool

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.  – Neil Gaiman

Four more months to Perth. And I already wonder how things will be like in the days to come.

Abgestorben

It has occurred to me that when faced with repeated instances of emotional turmoil, the brain automatically goes into a self-protective state whereby it appears to block off any semblance of emotional arousal and expressivity, presumably to prevent further damage to the individual.

The resultant effect offers a false sense of temporary relief which is relief, nonetheless.

I like sad songs that sound musically upbeat and positive. That to me is one of the fine examples of life’s paradoxes. It’s like how one puts a happy face to the world while actually feeling screwed up inside.

Photobucket

(Image courtesy of Bikurious Montreal)

LOL.

I didn’t know haircuts had a sexual orientation. That being said, lesbian haircuts are cool,  whether or not you’re actually crooked.  Get me one anytime over your regular honey-brown permed long hair with chinadoll fringe!

The Hyundai Matrix that has been serving my family well since 2004  suddenly went up in a blaze yesterday evening.

The good news is that nobody got hurt, and we were able to retrieve all our belongings. The damage is most likely repairable as the engine was miraculously unscathed, apart from minor burns.  For that, I’m very grateful to God for watching over us. But I figure we won’t ever wanna get into that car again.

Apparently, I sounded calm over the phone according to friends whom I spoke with when the incident happened. I was even able  to joke about it over dinner at Simpang. Like how there would be a literal ‘BOOMZ’ if the car actually exploded, and how I planned to jump into the longkang (drain) a’ la WWII trenches to avoid flying shrapnel.

I’m still very much shaken. Somewhat traumatised, to put it more harshly. For one, I can’t get the image of the rapidly spreading flames melting car parts onto the road, engulfing the car bonnet, and the smell of smoke while we were still in the car out of my mind.   I shudder to think that my dad actually wanted to continue driving the car out of traffic, and what would have happened if any our seatbelts malfunctioned and we couldn’t get out in time. Shit could happen.

I think I was damn hysterical and dropped a million f-bombs on the mechanic who serviced our car on the morning before the incident occured. The car was fine before he touched it, but we won’t know the cause until the Civil Defence report is out. For now, I just think it’s bloody unlucky that this has to happen before Chinese New Year and my dad has to cope with the insurance matters together with the heavy workload at the office. 

Not to forget, it’s pretty darn upsetting to watch something that belonged to you for so long, being destroyed in front of your eyes.

You know, I seriously don’t give a rat’s ass as to whether or not you’re struggling with lust and sex or, how you can never find a girlfriend. (you don’t even deserve a whore’s attention for that matter)

If you think I’m unaware of your pretentiousness, you’re damn well wrong my friend.

If you had expected me to act like a good ‘lil christian sister and hear you out on your sordid epiphanies (which you’re most likely wanking off simultaneously to), don’t fucking expect me to offer you my ‘prayers and blessings’.

A person like you doesn’t deserve any nuance of sympathy or time. If you expected me to say ‘I’ll pray for you’, I ain’t.

On the contrary, I’d be more than happy to advise:  Get your goddamn dick out of your own butt and go fuck your mom or something.

So you thought that was ‘UnChristian’?  Well, so what? Fuck you anyways.

In no particular order…..

1) Collective Soul – Bleed

2) Gavin DeGraw – I Don’t Wanna

3) Stone Temple Pilots – Plush

4) Bon Jovi – Blaze of Glory

5) Oasis – Whatever (unsuccessful attempt at playing guitar and singing simultaneously)

6) Alice In Chains – Right Turn (as above)

7) Matchbox Twenty – Push

8) Grand Funk Railroad – Time Machine (Oooo reminiscent of my days at PGP Residence. Pity my poor
clustermate though)

2010

This shall be the year that I:

‘Commit your (my) way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass – Psalms 37:5 ‘.

and live one day at a time because ‘…do not be anxious about tomorrow. – Matt 6:34′.

What if.

Change is the only constant.

Over dinner, a friend and I were discussing about how ‘scintillating’ it was to judge who was friend-worthy and who you shouldn’t even bother spending a minute with. Cowardice, immaturity, self-centredness rank as core no-nos. Political incorrectness can be very liberating sometimes. I’ve been told that I am too politically correct.

I believe that openness and honesty is integral in any relationship, be it friendship or romance, but letting someone in at 95% as opposed to 100% still enables self-preservation, should the occasion arise.

Freedom to me is: Ability to be at peace, confident, self-assured and knowing that you’re loved and appreciated.

Mmm… Having some of the yummiest mangoes ever.

Patience

When one faces resistance in transition, there are 2 options:

a) You either go with the tide, and follow it along to wherever it brings you.

Or,

b) You resist and end up getting exhausted, frustrated and lost.

I am the kind of person who dislikes uncertainty and ambiguity. But for now, I have to be calm, patient and enjoy the ride.